So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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