walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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