why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
