do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Randomize