who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
