feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
