It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
