my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i just google imaged poop.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
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