Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
