If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
where are my eyebrows?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
