she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
