Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
