Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
