just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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