Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
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I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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