Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
