Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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