the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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