I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Randomize
