I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
