a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
