Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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