I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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