So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
