And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
