Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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