I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
