And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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