She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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