why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
