you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
