oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
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She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
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I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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