I'm sorry my penis didn't work
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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