I'm lost and stupid without you.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
no more duck duck goose at the bar
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
