bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
