I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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