Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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