the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
