There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
