Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
