he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
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I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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