she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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