Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
