i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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