How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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