my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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