dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize