We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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