I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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