Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
BRING THE BAGELS
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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