cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
