I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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