I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
