so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
