Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
