i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
