so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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