I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
