OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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