your room smells of hookers.
And success
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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