Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
