Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
