You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
