I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
