that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just had sex on a roof
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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