I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
