I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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