Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
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