it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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