At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
