Dual....:-)
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
