Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
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