thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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