Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
