So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Randomize
